I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
