Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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