He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
