I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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