My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
