the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize