I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
