What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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