I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize