i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
