I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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