I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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