I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
