I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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