I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
