you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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