I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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