Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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