Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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