she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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