It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
