don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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