How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
