A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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