Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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