You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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