The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
