PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
