So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize