So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
