is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
