either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
