After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
