I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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