He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
