he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
