but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
