Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
