I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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