Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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