im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
