I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize