operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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