I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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