All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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