I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
