I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I color on your dick again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
