Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
