Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Text me some of your sweat
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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