You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dicks are not precious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
