Can i not drive my cunt home
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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