I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
