Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
