peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
