so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
