i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
