cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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