i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
