if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
