Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
