When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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