their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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