Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize